⋆˚꩜｡𐔌՞. .՞𐦯⋆. 𐙚 ˚ I didn’t leave the house all week, like actually all week. Luckily I had paper work I could do from home so I didn’t technically need to be at my place of work. I lied a little to my boss and told him I didn’t feel well.

Over all my boss knows about my mental issues, and is genuinely a good guy, but I didn’t want him to worry so I just said I was sick and gonna work on the paper work I was asked to do at home.

Atm I live with my parents who know nothing about what I’m going through so I kept getting asked if “you even still have a job”, which I got pretty defensive over but in the end told my mother that “if I didn’t I’d tell her.”

I already felt bad about missing a week of work, and her asking just made it worse for me.

I just couldn’t bring myself to step outside the house. I’d get all shaky, and feel a panic attack start to edge its way in. So I sat with the currents closed, and did work on my computer.

It’s hard to explain to people how people on the street feel like a threat, how cars going past feel like they’re following you, especially when you know how it sounds, when there is still some part of your brain that tells you “this isn’t real-“.

In other news my therapist missed out appointment today, and i really needed him this week. But it did push me to book an appt with a psychiatrist and maybe get officially diagnosed with something.

For awhile I’ve thought I had Borderline for a multitude of reasons, but never bothered to try and get it checked out, but today I figured “fuck it, I should probably at least check it out”, + I was able to find someone in network so hopefully I won’t have to pay that much/anything.

Its hard to feel hopeful, but I’m trying.

Currently trying to find things to make a survival/aid kit I can keep with me at all times, at work, with friends, wherever.

Once I get set it set up I’ll share pictures.

— Cult